Changing the Way We Deal with Change
- An Article published in the "Main Line Suburban Life Newspaper", Ardmore, PA June 10, 2009
Change is a challenging business.
Recently, in major speeches at the Notre Dame graduation ceremony and in Cairo, President Obama tackled significant and seemingly irreconciliable conflicts. In each case, he turned to finding common ground and recommended focusing on the way we approach the problem and each other. In that re-framing, he is proposing significant and far reaching change.
How change happens has interested me for many years, and the opportunity to be involved in change processes is one of the reasons I chose to become a psychologist. It’s heartening to see that the President understands that real change does not happen in debate or on the battlefield. While those events certainly have effects, they don’t solve underlying problems. There is always another battle and another debate.
The higher order change that President Obama is suggesting offers a structured process in which we can talk to each other and solve our problems. He recommended “open hearts” and “open minds,” and urged using “fair-minded words” and “determined insistence” in the discussion. And whether you call it compassion, or non-violent communication, or simply good psychological practice, that change in our way of being with each other is critical to our survival in peace on this planet. No “ism,” however ethical or high-minded, trumps our responsibility to protect and perfect the encounter between people in conflict.
Entering into the change process at this level is hard work. It’s an intimate and demanding venture. It takes time. All have to open to being changed. We risk vulnerability, and we begin the task not knowing how the finished product is going to look. Yet, we can solve complicated problems only by moving out of the fray and stepping up to the next level where there is perspective and the possibility of common ground. This style of engagement creates a growing connection between people and it is that connection that enables significant, unexpected and transformational change to happen.
Our instinct to fight for our beliefs runs deep into the very oldest part of the brain where primitive survival options were limited to fight, flight and freeze. The modern correlates of that old survival system—argument, withdrawal and indifference—are inadequate responses today.
What is happening at the highest leadership levels today mirrors what most of us value in our personal connections, what we work toward as we reshape our lives in psychotherapy, and what we teach our children. This could be a moment in our collective life when we leap ahead in our ability to create real, productive change.
Will commitment to such a process always work? Probably not. But imagine how our lives would look if just half of our attempts to engage in constructive, high level change did succeed.
It’s been a while since good psychology and politics had anything to do with each other. But on the subject of change, President Obama’s vision and what works psychologically are in sync.
I’d like to see instruction in creating real change be introduced early into our educational system. The results would be far ranging, from less conflict on the playground, to more creativity in community problem-solving, to less emotional alienation for individuals, to a better chance at peace in the world.
I joke with my clients, sometimes, and say that if we were educated in how to create constructive change, I would be out of work.
Worse things could happen.
Emma Mellon, PhD, is an author and licensed psychologist in private practice in Berwyn, PA.
Change is a challenging business.
Recently, in major speeches at the Notre Dame graduation ceremony and in Cairo, President Obama tackled significant and seemingly irreconciliable conflicts. In each case, he turned to finding common ground and recommended focusing on the way we approach the problem and each other. In that re-framing, he is proposing significant and far reaching change.
How change happens has interested me for many years, and the opportunity to be involved in change processes is one of the reasons I chose to become a psychologist. It’s heartening to see that the President understands that real change does not happen in debate or on the battlefield. While those events certainly have effects, they don’t solve underlying problems. There is always another battle and another debate.
The higher order change that President Obama is suggesting offers a structured process in which we can talk to each other and solve our problems. He recommended “open hearts” and “open minds,” and urged using “fair-minded words” and “determined insistence” in the discussion. And whether you call it compassion, or non-violent communication, or simply good psychological practice, that change in our way of being with each other is critical to our survival in peace on this planet. No “ism,” however ethical or high-minded, trumps our responsibility to protect and perfect the encounter between people in conflict.
Entering into the change process at this level is hard work. It’s an intimate and demanding venture. It takes time. All have to open to being changed. We risk vulnerability, and we begin the task not knowing how the finished product is going to look. Yet, we can solve complicated problems only by moving out of the fray and stepping up to the next level where there is perspective and the possibility of common ground. This style of engagement creates a growing connection between people and it is that connection that enables significant, unexpected and transformational change to happen.
Our instinct to fight for our beliefs runs deep into the very oldest part of the brain where primitive survival options were limited to fight, flight and freeze. The modern correlates of that old survival system—argument, withdrawal and indifference—are inadequate responses today.
What is happening at the highest leadership levels today mirrors what most of us value in our personal connections, what we work toward as we reshape our lives in psychotherapy, and what we teach our children. This could be a moment in our collective life when we leap ahead in our ability to create real, productive change.
Will commitment to such a process always work? Probably not. But imagine how our lives would look if just half of our attempts to engage in constructive, high level change did succeed.
It’s been a while since good psychology and politics had anything to do with each other. But on the subject of change, President Obama’s vision and what works psychologically are in sync.
I’d like to see instruction in creating real change be introduced early into our educational system. The results would be far ranging, from less conflict on the playground, to more creativity in community problem-solving, to less emotional alienation for individuals, to a better chance at peace in the world.
I joke with my clients, sometimes, and say that if we were educated in how to create constructive change, I would be out of work.
Worse things could happen.
Emma Mellon, PhD, is an author and licensed psychologist in private practice in Berwyn, PA.
2 Comments
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Comment by Leonora on July 16, 2009 at 11:07am - Thank you so much for posting your clear and beautiful statement about change. Creating constructive change is what BW is all about and I think we could surely use your ideas and assistance. I hope you will let us know anything you see or think, or have suggestions about.
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Comment by Debbie Kaufman on July 18, 2009 at 5:46pm - Thanks for your article, Emma. I have also been encourage by President Obama's language of change, and different approach to tough issues. It makes me hopeful to hear someone in Obama's position speak of conflicts not as intractable, but as something we can truly solve by talking to each other and finding common ground. Don't worry about finding yourself out of work; we will find something for you to do! =) Debbie
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